I was young once. None of us really assume we grow old but time and again, the reflection in the mirror makes us realize just how far along we've come from what we used to be.
There was once a time when I was young. I did all those silly things, the memories of which I perceive differently nowadays; some, I cherish. Some, I regret.
While there could be no better day to reminisce over whatever fond memories I have, today, the sky is gloomy enough to make me think of the other things - things from past I would rather forget.
It was after my boards. I remember wanting to go out with friends. We were planning to go to Pokhara and my plan was along the lines of enjoying sunset at the lake and getting drunk. Little did I know those were not the original plans. My friends, rather correctly, assumed my contempt for hikes and hid from me quite well that we were going to Annapurna Base Camp.
So, we headed to Pokhara, me dressing as 'hip' as I could. The next day, we headed out for the base camp. I still had no idea. Of course, I didn't make so much of a fuss and continued on the hike - but not without bickering.
It was the second day of my constant complaining and it was for good reason too. We had to walk for several hours at a time and my feet were killing me. I remember I was on the back, a good few minutes behind the two friends who were adapted to such walks. I was with another friend who too was miserable. We were basically dragging ourselves.
It was there that I met her. I didn't know her name at first. I think she was pretty but I don't remember her face. I remember a young lady who was walking the same trail as us. She was walking with a red face, perspiring throughout but she was walking. A young lady whose attitude revitalized the two of us in the back and with this energy, we were soon sprinting and behold - we had overtaken the two friends who were well ahead of us.
While I have grown not to depend on strangers to draw my inspiration from, I do note that that was an important milestone in my life. I had witnessed, first hand, the value of dreams - the power of hope. It was her name too which was either a co-incidence or was it preordained.
I have grown old now. Crossed 30 on last march, I am old and broken. There are a few visible cracks and few hidden ones but they are there - ever slowly expanding to the entire surface. Maybe it will end one day with the cracks culminating in the defacement of whatever I have stood for until now - maybe the pieces will be too far broken to be reattached with adhesives.
I still have not lost hope though - that lesson was far too valuable to be lost to meaningless charades life throws at me. There have been countless people, myself included, that have tried to break me. People I have trusted with my life actively pursuing to hurt me. But, I shall persevere. I have loved unconditionally and just because of a lack of reciprocation, I will not cease to continue loving so. I might be unwanted to a few people or to many if not all. But, I am all I have and I only have this lifetime to cherish whatever I can, whoever I can. My legacy will not end in failure.
I will try to live a life such that if ever I perish, I can think back to everything I accomplished over my lifetime and in those few passing moments just before I am gone forever, I can smile.
In serenades and silly jokes,
To townsmen and village folks,
In the pain of fatigue and chest pain from too much laughing -
In the loss of what we're used to, in gains of life passing -
Let me remember how roughed are the underside of my boots,
May I never forget where I come from - may I hold on to my roots.
#ToHope
